


Twas the Night that I was Turned into a Kitty

by EllaAwkward



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Magic, Yurio get's turned into a cat, kitty au, neko yurio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 18:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9914744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllaAwkward/pseuds/EllaAwkward
Summary: Grumpy and isolated as always, Yurio ends up spending Christmas Eve alone, where he lets his inner thoughts run wild. Cue the presence of a shooting star and a joking wish to become a cat, and, well, the rest is history! Includes an equally sassy magical fairy, chaos, and lots of satirical profanity. (Neko! Yurio; I'm sorry it had to be done. Don't question it.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> yeah, I went there. Someone had to xD

Fuck everybody! I stumbled up the hotel’s staircase, hiccupping and bending over on occasion to catch my breath. I was a gold medalist at the Grand Prix finals, bitches. I wasn’t one of those lazy farts who took the stairs. Besides, if I saw one more person patronize me for drinking under age I would most certainly do a spit-take of vodka into their snooty, stuck-up face. Oh yeah, _sure_ , you’re concerned about me? Keep lying to yourselves to validate your massive egos, assholes. You’re not fooling anyone!

Heh?! I’m not making any sense, you say? Bleh, I suppose that I can give you a run-down of my shitty butthole of a situation. Basically, us skaters have been involved in a never-ending loop of press conferences ever since the Grand Prix Final had ended. In fact, we haven’t even been able to leave Barcelona yet. It was only because it was Christmas Eve tonight that us skaters were given a night off from having cameras shoved into our faces.

Our sponsors had hosted a dinner downstairs in the ballroom, and you can only guess how drunk everyone had quickly gotten. Aside from the fact that I’m a minor (ha! As if that would ever stop me!), it hadn’t taken me much effort to get my hands on a few glasses of champagne. And well, the rest is history. I was already sassy to begin with; you can only imagine how brutally honest I became with the aiding presence of alcohol.

Viktor decided to be a petty bitch and told me to sleep off my hangover. Of course, stupid Fatso Piggie just had to side with Viktor on this one as well. Either way, I didn’t have much of a choice over the matter because if Yakov found out, it was a given that he would take away my phone again. The older fart tended to do that whenever I ‘misbehaved’. Misbehaving in the sense that I like to run my mouth and don’t give a fuck about what other people think. Yeah, that’s right! I left the party because I wanted to!

**CLICK!**

I opened the door of my hotel room, swiping the card the wrong way several times before realizing how much of a dumbass that I was being. I stumbled into the room, gripping onto the edge of the nearest desk. I looked up at my reflection in the mirror, smirking at how ridiculous I looked. I just about ripped off my tie and suit jacket, walking over to the balcony window to throw them outside. The cheers and consequent battle cries from down below told me that my fans must have been fighting over these clothing items.

Oh well, can’t say that I cared all that much. As long as they weren’t tearing me into worshipable pieces, everything would be just fine. I may or may not have snapchatted two fans sucker punching each other. No, of course not! I was a good ‘tsundere’ (their words, not fucking mine) role model! Pft! Ha! Ha! Ha!

I smushed my face against the cool window glass, catching my breath. Urgh, I wanted to do something fun while I was still drunk. I never had any fun whilst sober because I was always too shy to truly talk to people. I was a lonely pathetic boy who snapped at those who were brave enough to attempt to hold a conversation for me. I have to give Viktor and Fatso credit where it’s due; I wasn’t exactly the easiest person to deal with, that’s for sure.

Hmmm. What to do? What to do? It was almost midnight, so surely people would be coming up to their rooms right about now. A shit-disturbing smile crept onto my face. Maybe I could order a shit-ton of prank food for Viktor. I shook my head; nah, knowing that egoistical shithead, he would eat all the food and then expect more.

I walked over to sit on the foot of my bed, pulling out my phone. I tied back my hair into a lazy pony tail, deciding to have a quick guilty pleasured viewing of kitty Instagram photos before I finally retired for the night. Said Instagram session lasted much longer than expected, as the felines were too cute for me to put the damn phone down. For fuck’s sakes, why must cats be so glorious? They were only animal alive in existence where it’s deemed perfectly acceptable for them to act like an entitled diva.

Sigh, imagine how easy it would be to be a cat. You don’t have any responsibilities; no asscrack’s of a coach to deal with, you can sleep when you want, eat when you want, and most importantly, act like a bitch when you want. I looked up at my hotel window, admiring the clear night outside. Yet another Christmas Eve spent mainly alone…

“I wish that I could be a cat,” I murmured to myself.

Just as I said this, as cliché and shitty as this plotline will without a doubt be, a shooting star streaked across the black night sky. I snorted in disbelief, flopping onto my back and holding up my phone above my face. Just a few more photos and then I’d actually go to sleep. Who cares if I had dark circles under my eyes in the morning? The make-up artists could very easily fix such a blemish in my appearance…

After placing my phone onto the nightstand, I found myself looking up at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep. A sparkle to my right caught my eye. I turned my head, thinking that there must have been some sort of light show going on outside. Nope, it was just a silver cloud of sparkles floating outside the window….

HEH?!

I blinked in disorientation, rubbing my eyes for good measure. D-da, it was definitely about time that I got some sleep. I must have still been drunk from the party. Or maybe that Swiss bastard had slipped a little extra something into my drink when I hadn’t been looking…

“Uh, Hello? Like, are you going to open the window for me or what?” An annoying, yet strangely familiar voice spoke.

I looked around my room, completely dumbfounded.

**RAP! RAP! RAP!**

The sound of something pounding their knuckles against the window caused me to jolt and look over in that direction. Okay, I must be really, really drunk. The silver sparkle cloud, or whatever the fuck it was, was still floating outside on the balcony area.

I took a hesitant step forward, cocking my head to the side.

“Yes, that’s right, boy! How rude of you to let a lady like me float outside in the cold like this!” the voice pouted.

With trembling fingers, I slid open the window, crying out in shock when the silver sparkle cloud flew into the room.

“WHAT THE-?!” I spluttered.

The cloud dissipated, revealing a six-inch miniature version of…MILA?! The being was floating in the air, propped up by a silver set of wings and a matching trail of dust following her wherever she flitted about. It looked exactly like my bitch rinkmate Mila; the same cropped red hair, the same patronizing blue eyes and creepy smile, and the same slender figure. It was wearing skin-tight yoga pants, a black t-shirt with blocked neon words that spelled “ _I don’t fuck with fuckboys_ ” on it, and a pair of brown Ugg boots. So basically, it was dressed like any other basic, stereotypical American bitch.

The being pouted her tiny glossed lips, waggling an equally tiny index finger at me. “Is that how you greet your fairy tsundere mother?” she mused. “Tsk! Tsk! You’re a naughty boy, Yuri Plisetsky. I ought to punish you for such sassiness.”

I was too busy trying to pick up my jaw from the floor to pay attention to what she was saying.

“MILA?!” I roared. “WHAT THE HELL KIND OF PRANK IS THIS?!”

“Oh, dear me,” the being giggled. “You don’t actually think that I’m your friend, do you?”

Cue me predictably losing my temper.

“Well, who the fuck are you then? And why do you look exactly like that hag?”

Ahem, emphasis on the word hag.

“I already told you!” the being chided. “I’m your fairy tsundere mother. And as for your second question, why don’t you ask yourself? Us fairies assume the form of those whom you humans view to be as a parent figure. This girl must be like a mother to you. I wouldn’t have assumed her form otherwise.”

“Like hell that I view that bitch as my mother!” I scowled. “Alright, where the fuck are the cameras? Joke’s over everybody!”

I began to rip apart the room, looking under all the nooks and crannies for any possible place where a small camera could be hidden. Books, blankets, sheets, lamp shades, and any other item within reach were thrown all over the place. After several minutes of destroying the hotel room, I gripped onto the edge of the desk again, catching my breath.

“Are you done now?” the fairy sighed.

“This isn’t funny,” I grit my teeth.

“Who said anything about this being funny? I came here to grant you your wish.”

“Oh?” I mused, straightening my posture. “And what wish is that?”

The fairy crossed her arms, huffing indignantly. “At exactly midnight, you wished to become a cat.”

“I wish about a lot of stupid shit. You shouldn’t take me so seriously,” I retorted. This must be a dream; might as well play along with it while I still can.

“Speaking of which, I get the feeling that you still don’t believe that any of this is real.”

“Well no shit, fucktwat!” I snorted.

The fairy’s facial expression darkened considerably. “You will do best not to anger me, Yuri Plisetsky. My best friend is Lady Luck. I pulled a lot of strings in order to have you win the Grand Prix final, even more so because you fell during your last performance!”

“Da, da, whatever,” I grumbled, waving my hand at the fairy dismissively. “Just leave so I can wake up from this nightmare already.”

For reasons inexplicable, a small weather cloud formed around the fairy’s head. Sparks of electricity and thunder rumbled inside said cloud. “You are an ungrateful, rude, and selfish little boy! You will pay dearly for the disrespect that you have treated me with tonight!”

I gave the fairy a smug, come hither motion with my hand. I was still considerably tipsy at this point, I’ll have you know. “Bring it on, sparkle bitch. Let me have it. Bibbity bobbity get thah fuck outta here!” I slurred.

**POOF!**

“Your ignorant wish is my command!” the fairy cackled, concerning me somewhat.

A cloud of pink gas circulated around the room, causing me to double over and cough. “What the hell?” I wheezed, feeling my eyelids grow heavy.

“Until you learn to grow some manners, you will remain as a cat. But, since I’m so very kind, I’ll give you one last chance to apologize to me and make up for your unwarranted rudeness.”

I fell to my knees, feeling dizzy all of sudden. “Go fuck yourself,” I panted. “We both know that this isn’t real.”

“Fine!” the fairy huffed, her voice slowly beginning to fade away. “Have it your way then…”

I coughed once more, hunching in on myself. The world began to spin, prompting me to close my eyes. Everything closed in on itself, a weird tingling sensation spreading across my entire body.

“Ta-Ta~!” the fairy chuckled. “Maybe now you’ll learn to put a muzzle over that filthy mouth of yours~!”

I didn’t hear from the fairy again as I was too busy screaming and twitching in confusion. I could feel my body shrinking, folding in on itself, until finally the dizziness stopped. I licked my lips, feeling something sharp and unfamiliar. I poked my head out of the hole in my dress shirt and widened my eyes at how big the hotel room had suddenly gotten.

“MEOW?!” I screamed out in shock, only to clamp my mouth shut again.

Oh no. Oh _hell_ to the no. This wasn’t real. This had to be a dream, right? Right?! Deep down, and no matter how that I wanted to deny this, I knew that what had just happened to me was real. Everything felt too surreal for it not to be.

I climbed out of the pile of clothes that I _had_ been wearing previously, looking up and ogling at the intimidating height of the bed. I then took a step forward, looking down to spot blond fur and two front paws. I leapt into the air, feeling a strange sensation as the hair on my dorsal area stuck up in apprehension. I needed to get a good look at myself in order for this bizarre situation to truly settle in. I would prove to myself that this was a dream, damn it!

I clamped my jaw shut, preparing my newfound hind legs for a large leap. “MREOW!” I cried out in determination, leaping into the air and sinking my claws into the bed’s comforter. Eventually, I managed to pull myself up onto the bed, trotting over to the center of it so that I could spot my reflection in the mirror.

Much to my horror, a lanky blonde tabby cat with green eyes stared back at me. I opened my jaw, only to have the cat in the mirror reciprocate this gesture. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I needed to do something! But what? I meowed and cried out, hoping that the fairy would come back, but I was having no such luck. My big mouth had finally landed me in a buttfuck amount of trouble.

Speaking of buttfuck, the sound of moans and a weird clapping sound filled my ears. The fuck?! My ears folded in on themselves; the sounds were just that loud. I ruminated over my options, deciding that it would be best to leave my hotel room in search of the fairy. Perhaps I would also figure out the dickwads who were making so much noise this late at night.

I leapt off the bed, stably landing on all fours like a total badass. I deadpanned when I realized how convenient it was that the door leading out of the room had a kitty flap at the bottom. No matter, I still slunk out of the room, inhaling sharply when the now humongous hotel hallway swallowed up my tiny form.

“Oh~! Oh~! Yes! Oh~! Viktor! Right there~! Yes~!”

I cocked my head to the side, furrowing my furry non-existent eyebrows in anger. So it was the Piggie who was making that much noise, eh? I wonder what he was up to? I quietly padded down towards the end of the hallway, where the Piggie’s room was located. Let’s just say that I was _very_ surprised when I heard Viktor’s muffled voice coming from behind the Piggie’s door as well.

“Yuri~!” Viktor grunted. “Yuri! Yuri! Yuri~! Ah! The Eros is nigh! I can’t bear it!”

“We’re almost there, Viktor! Keep going~!” Yuri cried out with more passion than I had ever heard him speak with before.

What in God’s name were they up to?

“I’m coming! I’m coming!”

And then, reality hit. I hacked in disgust, turning on my paws to bolt as far away from their hotel room as possible. That’s it! I’m traumatized for life! I’m deaf! I’m deaf! I mean, everyone had their suspicions that those two were banging each other, but for the love of God why did I have to be there to hear it?! This takes the Piggie winning a silver medal to a whole other level. He would always be on the bottom, and never on the top. ARGH! RIGHT NOW WAS SO NOT THE TIME FOR A SEX JOKE!

My terrified screeches and hisses most have been loud enough to wake up one of the hotel’s residents. I quickly came face to face with a fat pair of ankles and the bottom of an ugly pink nightgown. I looked up into the equally fat face of a middle-aged women with a clown face full of make up. She shrieked in fear, causing her jowls to tremble as well. “George! Help! There’s a rabid street urchin about to attack me!”

Street urchin?! Who the fuck was she calling a street urchin? I wasn’t the one wearing a wig that was most likely made out of her husband’s ballsack hair! The next few minutes went by in a blur. One hotel employee was chasing after me with a broom, while another one had managed to grab a fishing net from the pool’s cleaning equipment room. Somehow I had escaped from them, ducking under a random stairwell to catch my breath. I only came out of hiding after I had heard the employees’ footsteps thunder up the staircase.

I slowly trotted forward, meowing in disdain.

Now what?

 

 


End file.
